Relationship confusion can be frustrating. Maybe, you will reach the point that you cant cope any more and ask him to make a choice but it doesnt sound like today. Signs your ex is confused: How to spot them and what to do! Are there any among your readers who had a similar experience? Discovered the affair then he said hell give us a chance but hes having difficult time abandoning the other woman because shes pregnant. He refuses to see that 16 years as a couple is not comparable to year 1 of a prohibited relationship where you still have everything to learn about each other. Because of facebook, a lot of families have been destroyed and having an affair is as easy as calling on your cellphone. We have been married for 14 together for 21 yrs . He will probably go and live with her and discover that the grass is not greener. They continued to talk several times a week for half an hour to an hour. Husband didnt want to uproot children from school yet again and our youngest will start high school this fall. In the meantime, you feel worse because your husband is a narcissist and cant change rather than a stupid liar who cant chose between his wife and his mistress. We don't spam, promise. So what would I suggest, hold onto your counselling session and use it to put your cards on the table: he lied to the first therapist, youre both in a lot of pain, you are willing to change so the relationship can grow and become loving again but you cannot and will not cope with serial affairs. What do i do in this situation? . My guess is that if you wait for him to decide, he will try and put off the moment of decision again and again. Confused or Stringing You Along?: What's Behind The Mixed Signals I just dont know what to do anymore. I am far away from family and am having a lot of financial issues which has made all this even worse. Is there any legal remedy? Instead of talking about it i shut him out and neglected my marriage for several years. Read my book How can I ever trust you again as this will explain the stages of recovery from an affair and help you understand why your husband was so vulnerable. Answer (1 of 9): Fear of rejection. Guys who are romantically interested in you want you to see that you can rely on him. Although now Ive lost my patience and am very anxious especially when he goes to work. Men typically cannot be bothered to shop for presents for a girl they dont have feelings for. I made my boyfriend choose between me and a girl. Am I in the wrong Good luck with making an informed decision. We drifted apart coz i had brain tumour which i did not know about for 10 years . Will he (hopefully) realise the feelings arent real for her when he isnt around me so much to feel anything for me? Jorge adores Paul's intellectual. There have been so many lies not at all like him this is so out of character. He is deep in his affair and he cant see straight and he will be all over the place so wont have any true idea how he feels. So what can you do? Please help me. On first day we met he had confessed he had a relationship which was intense and he proposed for marriage but girls parents denied and then they both left it there and moved on. So he chose to stay in the marriage but I feel like its just for our kids and not because he loves me. Losing a child is incredibly difficult but to be dealing with this at the same time is unimaginable. His life is worse rather than better. CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS: The problem with ex girlfriends are that they have a lot more power than they should when they break up with the man. Hence started to focus on job and settling in our home. He said he would block text and cell phone contact as well as applying for new jobs. If at any point he does talk about coming back, I think you have to be very clear there needs to be a space between him finishing with her, and starting again with you. Im just so heartbroken and lost at this point. He accuses me of reading to deep into this convo between me and her and says im just buying into it cause im guilty,which im not. Because I'm afraid to hear the answer. Over the winter he had son and I use old wood furnace to avoid buying propane and I attempted to use chantix to stop smoking. 18 Ways To Know Whether You're In A Friendship Vs. A Relationship | How They are more likely to zone out if someone bores them or irritates them. What do I do? Guys who have a crush on you will tuck away everything you tell him in a mental note. I am so sorry to hear about your bereavement. Our marriage had been bad for a while. We don't take it seriously because we think it's a part of a long term relationship, but does it have to be? I know affairs take place in a bubble world but how long does it take for them to explode when exposed to reality? He says he wants me and I left so many times but each time he came to bring me back. Ive tried explaining that he was missing this sort of connection with me and he sought it out in her, but he seems to think that it is fate, they found each other somehow, and that this all happened organically. It's one thing if they're seeking closure or they are real friends, but it's another if it seems like they use the connection as a lifeline (read: get back together . I have told him what I have read about male menopause but while he sorta acknowledges he may be going through such he is firm that he simply doesnt know if he will ever feel love for me again. Lets go over the questions you pose at the end of your letter. We spent Christmas together, which I found emotionally hard. 3 months after he told me this I found out that he had been on dating apps and had met a girl online and was connected with her emotionally and physically . Is there anything at all i can do to stop him from divorcing me and bring him home. I explain but although she was limit on details,she knew quiet about what we talked about and she said they still talked and he didnt want anything to do with me. Receiving random calls or messages from a guy is a sign hes interested in you. Being connected on social media also helps him because its easier to start talking to you. If youd like to understand more. My central piece of advice would be to take it one day at a time and not to panic (and make a decision that feels right today either taking him back or leaving but is not based on any firm foundations). Hes trying to process his emotions but he cant be rational when youre around. I not sure my marriage still able to work it out. Your husband is given the chance to be helped but lies to his therapist. Raksha Bandhan Style: Take Cues From Karismas Fab Kurta Looks, PCs Pics Are A Glimpse Into 'August Magic' Wholesomeness, 8 Of Janhvi-Saras Kurtas To Inspire Your Raksha Bandhan Look, 8 Easy & Effective Ways To Use Sea Salt In Your Beauty Routine, 8 Different Types Of Meditation For Beginners, 8 Bad Habits To Avoid If You Have Trouble Falling Asleep At Night, 7 Tips To Bounce Back From Burnout & Love Your Job Again, How To Recreate Mira Kapoors Off-Shoulder Mini Dress Look, 8 Products & Ingredients Needed For Glass Skin In Your 30s, 8 Steal-Worthy Outfits From Mouni Roys Wardrobe For Rakhi, BFF In A Different City? Youre not saying you are ready to make a decision but you are very close. I feel for everyone living in this uncertainty. A guy who is interested in you will try hard to impress you. I feel like we still have so much talking to do but while hes with the other woman how do I do that without seeming like Im pleading or begging him. What's going on in his life? He has said he will give me the house as he wants me and the children to be safe, happy and comfortable. Well meaning people tell me to divorce him, sell the house, take him for all I can get etc but I dont want to. So I have a yo-yo partner as you describe in your books! But now shes quiet how will I know if the affair has trully ended and she finally gave up on chasing my husband? I feel like the last five months have been a roller coaster! I try my best to not to think of the situation but it requires me to shut down. Takeaway Are you feeling confused about your relationship lately? What signs are there for me to look for to determine if marriage is healing or not as despite still cuddling with me and being intimate he states he is trying but isnt there yet and doesnt know if he ever will be. He usually answers with a list of grievances he has against me, be they old, new or even resolved, which diminishes or erases anything positive we may have been doing. She wants my husband to leave his job, his house in UK and come to India and settle with her family. Either the fantasy will end or the other woman will not be able to keep hiding her real self. On the other hand, doing nothing is as if I condone their affair and I am letting this other woman do what she wants online. After our 3 months of engagement and daily calls, we applied for my visa. He wont correct the (wrong) impression that hes seeing another woman or hell intentionally bring up a girl and mention shes attractive. When you talk to parents of young children, for example, the topic inevitably circles back to their kids because they cant really help it. Ive read My Husband Doesnt Love Me. He tells me he started seeing things more clearly now but he is afraid to break up the other thing. We have alot of fights about his affair but hes said he loves us both and wants us both. And concentrate on my two little girls, My career, my supportive friends and family who stood by me in such odd times. What should I do when a guy is confused between two girls? He talks plans for the future with us, as if he is going to be moving back home soon. What Does It Mean When A Guy Says He Is Confused? | HerGamut In the meantime, she could get fed up with his unavailability (because he has other commitments). It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. He is in full on Affair Brain. My Husband Cannot Decide Between Me and His Mistress - Andrew G. Marshall He was very over protective and so was I. I used to stay in joint family and my husband had a very negative side from his family which i did not know till 2 years of our marriage. How long should you wait? So he lies to everybody and worst of all himself (because that stops him realising how desperate the situation is). He just wants me to be happy that he is with us. We have grown children and young grandchildren. He told his sister to inform me that he wil come round to see the kids next weekend. When you are at the receiving end of your boyfriend's confusion about where your love is headed, it is natural for you to panic! In person, a guy who is trying to hide his feelings for you will look aloof. Listen to him, when he talks about feeling empty (because although it could be heard as about the marriage, it is probably just as much about how he feels about himself). But I think he still message her and phones her. I actually feel like a 3rd wheel at times. We have 3 children. If I can help just one person on their crazy journey of love, then my work here is complete. In this way, whatever happens next you will have learnt something important during this interregnum between the past and the future. I have a team of therapists who are experienced at delivering it. Your husband cant chose. Its time like this when I want to put my head in my hands and weep. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . Hi Andrew, Came home in good mood we communicated and hugged. 8 Ways To Surprise Your Long-Distance Buddy On Friendship Day. I was not allow to have male friends,go out with anyone or be on Facebook, as he told me,doing so showed I didnt want to work on my marriage. Jorge has been seeing two guys for several months Paul and Erik. Most women have a certain level of emotional intelligence that enables them to feel comfortable exploring their feelings and expressing their emotions with their partner. Next day he called my parents and said we might need to get separated as he was not able to keep me happy. Just the other day I spoke with Candace who said, " My ex is confusing me because he broke up with me, told me that things are over between us for good and that he's never coming back, at the same time he started to reach out and I can tell that he's curious about me and wants to get closer to me. If the two of you have a solid foundation, this wishy-washy behaviour is actually an opportunity for you to take stock of yourself, your love, and your life! I used to live in India and my husband lives in the UK. So please, stop yourself next time you start imagining what they might or might not be saying. Hes put a year into it with the other woman. And yes he didnt have any friends, still doesnt , he never went out , he always did everything his mother told him, His family is upset with him but his parents told me they cnt cut him out of their lives coz at the end of the day he is still their son . Only took him a week. This inconsistent behavior is a sign that this guy is confused about his feelings. To understand this one, you need to go right back to basics. All of this is really positive. Lori Gottlieb Family Dear Therapist: My Son Is Angry About the Way He Was Treated Last Christmas He returned home a year ago feeling sad and anxious. She used to phone me all the time, ( even lost my job because of her phoning ). In fact, many people like to bring up the palpable chemistry theyre feeling by mentioning how you two would make such a good couple. Plain and simple. . YOU get out. Silent days again kept communicating with his friend in front of me. We have spoken at length about things and what I find frustrating is that each time I have found out he has been seeing her again it has been because she has called me behind his back to tell me. I said its fine I dont need anything I am ready to wait for you to be back home. I feel sorry for her because I know how she must feel. He has known her for 3 years n now she is his soulmate ? You cannot live with half a marriage (with his attention elsewhere) and youre beginning to run out of patience for him to decide what he wants to do. If there is an opportunity for us to work this out I dont want to miss it by leaving as I still love him. Its like the other woman has brainwashed him. Remember, you cant change him but you can change the way that you respond to him. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Yet he didn't want to divorce me and wanting me to stay by his side. He says the kids are his no.1 priority and that hes told her she will always be second. They dont want to give themselves away so theyre going to be extra dismissive about you. Since he left I can see why the affair probably happened. He doesn't talk about other girls and deliberately spends a lot of time with you. It does seem as if she is not as interested in him anymore and has dated other men at work, Im also embarrassed of my self and to say that lately Ive become more irritable and have resorted to shouting and badmouthing the other woman. When you husband is too caught up with the other woman, it is better to focus on yourself: keeping strong, keeping calm and communicating better. He had planned to stay for 4 days instead extended to 7 days. And I am not financially stable to do so, and now I just feel trapped and depressed. He text me that night ,and is father went for him and the girl ran off crying , some time later , he packed his bags and left my three boys and me , gone for four years, he came back now and again and broke my heart, I loved him, slept with him now and again , he has came back for 3 months once but left when she booked a holiday to the far East all expenses paid. He says shes a rebound from his affair, because it fills the void left by his mistress. Other male birds perform a dance number as part of their courtship ritual. It sounds like your husband will benefit from it. I told him i wnt chase him and i wil heal and move on with my life without him. But, before we move to that, let's first try and understand why your man may be feeling the way he's feeling, when you thought things were going well. Spending time in groups works best for him because he can be around you with less pressure on him. Thats fine. Book a session with a therapist. The woman he is living with a christian (Romanian) . Every time you turn around or try to meet his eye, he will probably look away. Listen to him and what he has to say. How do I handle this without appearing that I am chasing or pursuing my husband? Even if you suck at telling jokes, when he laughs at your jokes, that's a rock-solid sign he's into you. Deion Sanders Protege Isaiah Bolden Released From Hospital: Dallas And I do know Im putting myself out there to get hurt again. After 3 days of being distant, he finally called me and told me he was confused. I think it will help you feel a little less lost and remember you are not helpless. They dont know how to ask for what they want, to say no to what they dont and negotiate. If you are a stay at home Mom, where will you stay and how are you going to take care of your children? You cant get over these fears for a perfectly good reason: your marriage was threatened and you need to understand why, make changes and stop it happening again. Is his career just starting, or is he trying to figure out his path? Answer (1 of 3): He does not want to hurt you and that's why he is not leaving you,is it not love ? Made thanksgiving day plans with his mother. It could be his whole body or just his feet turned towards you. This leads him to struggle with his behavior. You might be asked to join him at after-work events or meet up with his friends for dinner.
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