What is the purpose of a curfew at 18 years old? I think that a more resonable solution is that she needs to call and let you know by a certain time where she is and what time she will be home. As of now, UPS drivers make about $95,000 a year, according to UPS, with a further $50,000 in benefits, for an average total compensation package of $145,000 per year. Explain what responsibility looks like when it comes to their curfew. Choose your battles!! This looks like a great place to come to commiserate or to learn from other parents. I told her I wanted her home by 12, and she gave me the sigh/eye roll . All reasonable information. After she is out of school, she will probably get a 1:00 am. and drives a brand new car that her parents cosigned for her? :). Frankly, I think that only happened a handful of times in 10 years. Are we too strict? Anonymous. I think it's time to trust your daughter with her own life or you might force her to move out, which we all know makes it way more difficult to complete school in a resonable time. I think 1 am is very generous for a young lady. Well she moved out and is living in a duplex about 10 miles away with her girlfriend and the place has a lot of bugs and roach's. When surveyed, the average curfew for 15 year old kids, set by parents or guardians, was 8:00 on school nights and 11:00 on weekends. You want the kid to graduate high school, after all. If the "rules of the house" no longer fit, then maybe they need to pay rent. It has taken all this to make me "DAD" 51 yrs. National Journal You and your husband need to discuss and decide together whether you want to stick with a curfew time, or go with the 'trust' but 'call and let us know where you are and when you'll be home' type of situation. While younger children often have early bedtimes (I used to put our kids to bed at 7:00,) as they age, they gain our trust. She should be happy you care enough about her to want her home. I think once she finishes high school and is 18, she shouldn't have a curfew. Many areas have Curfew Laws or Driving Curfews for teenagers. I would just tell your daughter that you've already agreed to extend her curfew once she turns 18 and you'll see how that works for a while. The entire time he had a curfew of 2 AM because we still had to get up and go to work very early in the morning. We also have a son who is 15 and a daughter who is 13. Hi, My son just turned 18 and will be going to a college near the house so he'll be home for the time being. Tell your child that you trust them to leave on time and expect them to communicate with you about where they will be and what they will be doing. I remember being in that position with my parents when I came home from college for the summer. It may be reasonable for her to call or text message and tell you if she'll be out past 2am or doesn't plan on coming home at all. I am the father of a 18 yr. old daughter whom I raised in private Christian school and was strict on where she went and who she hung out with, But as you understand being a parent regardless if your child goes to private or public school you are only trying to look after their best interest because after all we did learn from our mistakesright? Maybe move it up or back by 30 minutes or an hour. I wrote that when she moved out how it tore me up! If she does not like it she can move out and pay rent, buy her own food, furnish her apartment, buy a car and put gas in it, pay for her own tune ups, insurance, repairs, electricity, PG&E and everything else she wants. Her parents trusted her and her friends. While I often thought their idea of curfew was too early, I also knew from being around my friends that greater risks are taken as the evening wears on. For the first 12 months after earning their license, teens aren't allowed to be on the roads between 11pm and 5am. HI Rose, I see the point of you and your husband about giving your daughter a curfew, and I feel that you are right. I also have other children in the home and do not wish for them to be disturbed in the middle of the night if he is keeping late hours. - Tell her to move out then -- I think she'll find it's not that easy to support herself. The municipalities across Pennsylvania do not have a standard curfew law in place, and the laws vary by city. (taking medication at a specific time each night. Right now her curfew is 12:30 on Friday and Saturday nights, which we feel is very generous. When parents were asked, What is the curfew for 16 year olds in your house? They found that the average curfew for 16-year-olds, set by parents or guardians, was 8:00-9:00 on school nights and 10:30-11:30 on weekends. Curfews and parents that are engaged well past 18 (as long as they are at home)need curfews and parents that care. None of us really get that until we've experienced it, but hearing it from you will probably be an eye opener for her. Your email address will not be published. This makes parenting and living with an 18-year-old challenging. My husband and I are not lienient parents and have always given our daughter a curfew. When surveyed, the average curfew for 17-year-olds, set by parents or guardians, was 9:00-10:00 on school nights and 11:30-12:00 (midnight) on weekends. If there is something special going on, have her request a later curfew in person prior to going out (not a phone call late in the evening) on those nights. When the bars close, more drunk drivers are on the road and more police. Curfew for 18 Year Old Son Living . If you & your husband prefer that she have a curfew, then perhaps you can eliminate it or make it later on the weekends only. At 18 all three of my boys had a curfew of 2 AM for several reasons: 1) My husband and I both had to get up and go to work in the morning so 2 AM gave us plenty of uninterrupted sleep, even if we were called upon to pick any of them up for any reason. They knew that he was going to be late, but instead of calling to let them know that he would be a few minutes late, he went 75 mph in a 55 mph zone. As long as she is not disrupting your home by making a lot of noise when she returns, or worrying you if you did not know that she was not coming home for dinner that night, etc., she needs to live her own life. Remember? That's a good lesson for her now and for the future. If they are late to get home because they waited too long to leave, thats another story. And when we came home after they were in bed we had to be respectful of the fact they were sleeping and be really quiet. Hope this helps and don't give in to a later curfew cause its potentually dangerous. According to NHTSA, driving at night is the most dangerous time of day to drive due to limited visibility, drunk drivers, and driver fatigue. If your teen arrives home 20 minutes late, make curfew 20 minutes earlier for a week. You can't tell me what to do," banner every time the parent confronts an issue of broken rules or disrespect. It starts one hour later. Mt response to my son and daughter is always IM not their friends mother but I am theirs and these are my rules. My husband and I have a single daughter who will be turning 18 in June and has been commenting that she shouldn't have a curfew once she is 18. We'll probably wrap it up around 2 or 3." Today I wanted to ask what is a reasonable hour that a 20 year old should be home. I also believe that some things done after a certain hour at night, can lead to trouble. They also told him that they would rather receive a call that he is going to be late than a call that he has been in an accident. Boys Town is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit recognized by the IRS, and all donations to Boys Town are tax deductible in accordance with IRS regulations. . I expect that she isn't going to be coming in late and waking everyone up. We live with my mom and all the adults in the house tell each other when they'll be in for the nightit's just common courtesy. Its important that you are comfortable with the time and that your child feels that it is reasonable (or at least understandable), as well. <p>I never had to impose a curfew before because she hasn't gone out much at all throughout high school (or if she did, it was on "girl dates" -- seeing a movie with 2-3 girlfriends/going out to dinner/home by 10 or 11), so I'm glad she is now hanging out with friends and going to parties. He is responsible and I trust him HOWEVER he will be in my home and respecting my home is a must. Young adults are still forming identity and still rebelling in some ways. They felt he's responsible, so there was no curfew and it backfired. Their driver's licenses have a midnight curfew! She sounds like a good girl. She initially thought that meant that she was going to have every freedom in the world, too. Natalie Holliway was a good student too. Most of their friends have younger siblings, which makes school nights a bit more hectic. It is a matter of civility and respect. The difference is that ten years ago it was legal to hit me, vanish my relationships, and sequester me from society. This will create boundaries and help you sleep soundly knowing your daughter is at home. Currently she doesn't have a set curfew, it's more about what she is doing and where she is going and kind of decided on that. She considers herself an adult and wants to assert that responsilbilty and let her have it, but if she abuses that responsibilty then of course don't let her have it. For whatever reason you're back under mom and dad's roof, here are four golden rules for living harmoniously at home with the rest of the family. On school nights we expect 10:00pm with occasional negotiated exceptions. I am 25 yrs old ( and a mother of a 5 yr old boy). Required fields are marked *. By remaining on this website, you indicate your consent. If you decide to go with the set curfew time (see above for the difference), youll need to choose a time for your child to be home. I am trying to let her see she can have her freedom and live back home. I dont want to add to that with an extra person in the house. Another way to enforce curfew - and drive home the importance of it - is to 'show up' where your teen is if she is late coming home. Seriously your the parent and you get to make the decisions, while she is still living in your home you have obviously done a good job up til now. I'm a marriage and family therapist who specializes in teens and their families and I would reccomend sticking with the 1am for two reasons: the first is, it's your home and you're comfortable with that. Prior to being 18 my curfew was usually 1am Once I turned 18 my curfew was removed as long as I would call to check in and state what time I was expecting to be home by. I was just as much an adult ten years ago as I am today. A great many kids think that the minute they turn 18, they are magically responsible adults and shouldn't have any rules anymore. And she doesn't need to be out on the road anywhere near the times when all of the bars are closing. From there, you tell your teen a time to aim for, knowing that it all depends on what time the game is done, etc. I think 1 -1:30 am is a good curfew. My parents had this rule for me and I respected it because I knew it was fair and they didn't want me to get in any accidents with drunk drivers. Hi Rose, I think you are fair. At 2AM I get a frantic phone call from my mom wondering where I am at because I wasn't home, and after that I made sure to let them know that late meant sometime after 2AM. We did make acceptions. You don't have to come out and tell him or her they're free to party all night, but make less of a fuss when he or she comes in at 3 a.m. That said, insist they maintain their usual schedule the next day so they learn what it's like to operate on zero to three hours of sleep. Does he have a weekend job? (I can't think of too many reasons to be out that late -- even when I partied pretty heavily in my 20's, and believe me - I PARTIED - it seemed that most of the action stopped at 1:00 a.m.). I look August 8, 2021 My son so far has been OK with this. 51 answers Hello there. Periodically breaking curfew, sneaking out, and making other mistakes are also common teen . The curfew law applied to teenagers 16 years of age and under. What is the purpose of a curfew at 18 years old? Our daughter will also be going to community college and that is when we will see how responsible she will be with the later curfew of 1:00. With that said: Sounds like you and your husband have this under control. It's like you said, she is a good student and is responsible. I haven't read the other moms' responses, but I'm betting most of them agree with you, so maybe you can show your daughter their responses. I felt like I was being trusted and could be repsonsible part of the decision making process my mom (I think) got to know where I was and have a say in when I'd be back. But the kid can say, 'Yeah, I'd really like to, but my parents make me come home by (midnight).'". Just pray that she sews the right seeds you know the phrase they need to sew their oats after all we did too. By the way, have you and your husband offered to let her and her friends hang out at your place once in a while? Are they responsible enough to do so. Hello , The bars close and I would worry about drunk people out driving after 1 anyway. Local ordinances and state statutes may make it unlawful for minors below a certain age to be on public streets, unless they are accompanied by a parent or an adult or on lawful and necessary business on behalf of their parents or guardians. She doesn't like this of course, and comments about moving out like most teenagers do out of frustration. The Pew Research Center found that nearly one third of 18- to 34-year-olds currently live with a parent(s). Avoid Dangers on the Road. She had to get a job her senior year to pay for most of her insurance to be able to drive and I did provide her a used car. I will tell you that my kids are grown 25 and 21. I would ask her why she wants her curfew to be later and have her tell you what she is doing til 1 am and why it needs to be until 2am. Hi Rose, To avoid TIRED TEENAGE DRIVERS. They come close enough for a hug and kiss (and maybe a conversation about the night if you arent too sleepy.) I remember when my daughter would not leave the house to go out on a Friday or Saturday night until 10:00 p.m. as she said nothing was going on anywhere. Corporate Support If they need an extension (maybe they are walking a friend home first), they just call or text. (That said, I might not let the teen drive or operate machinery.). 4. Curfew for Teenagerswhat Time Do You Have in Your Home? Anyone and everyone living in your home are to respect and comply with the house rules you establish. You need to have a game-plan in mind. Luckily, he arrived home safely. Sorry, but rules are rules and if you want to stay in our home, you have to follow them. I am now 27 and feel that I never missed out on fun with friends and my mom and I have the best of relationships because of her honest trust towards me. I have a son who turned 18 in April and will soon be going office to college while still living at home in Sept. If she's at friends' homes, tell her to spend the night, unless it's a boyfriend's home, then she doesn't need to be out that late either. The legislative purposes behind juvenile curfew laws include the prevention of criminal behavior involving juveniles (juvenile crime), the protection of minors from predators, and the . I can see a curfew when there's school or work the next day, especially school. Posted on July 30, 2013. : 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. New Jersey. You are more then fair with your daughter. Kids waking too early? I understood then that if my parents were going to "support" me that the least I could do was give them a good night's sleep. In addition, while you are enforcing her curfew, she will learn to set her own schedule instead of what others do. She's 18, an adult and deserves the right to be treated as such. Wait a moment and try again. BoysTownHospital.org Potty training in three days (ages 18 months and up). I can speak opinion for both sides. I think 1 am is a perfect time for curfew or 1:30 am if you wanted to stretch it. May 15, 2007, 09:58 PM 20 year old daughter what is reasonable curfew Hi I am new here. She is not old enough to go to clubs or bars so she really has no reason to be out at 2:30 in the morning. The curfew for teen drivers in. It is still your home no matter how old your children are and they must respect what the rules are. If she threatens to move out, call her bluff! I remember fondly of being welcome at a friend's house so we could hang out late at night watching movies, etc. It is courtesy that while she lives in your house, she makes sure you aren't home worrying about her and follows your rules. Curfew for a 15-Year-old Girl in a Large City; Can Gated Communities Set Their Own Curfew? A mature kid that makes good choices and does well in school would get a later curfew than a kid who is more impulsive and less mature. Yeah, I'll relax them some, but she's not going to be any more responsible on her birthday than she was the day before. This includes: They knew where I was and that I was OK, and I felt like they were letting me be an adult. THAT SPARKED AN IDEA FOR US. Kids this age naturally want to make their own decisions and resist parental guidance. The parent that is driving (myself or another parent) typically sets the curfew, and Id say we all aim for somewhere between 11:00-11:30. I think 1 a.m. is reasonable unless she can give you a very good reason for a later time once in awhile. I was completely honest with my parents about what I was doing and as long as I told them what time I planned to be home it was okay, as long as I made that time. If they have a signed statement from their employer . Just be reasonable that there will be "special occasion" days where she should ask in advance for an extension in her curfew. Policy Regarding Financial Conflict of Interest in Research. A curfew doesn't necessarily equate not trusting your daughter. The only thing my parents expected was that if we weren't coming home that night to give them a call. My husband has already set her straight that while she is living at home and even though she is 18 she cannot do whatever she wants and will need to respect our home. Make sure that the time of night you want your daughter home is reasonable. My thinking is there isn't anyr eason to be out past 1 am. This way they have to take responsibility for their choices and don't act as much out of "I'll show you.". Annual Report But what is a reasonable curfew? It just means if she's gonna do it .. she's gonna do it earlier. I think we see in the answers that have already been posted here that most young people don't have later curfews, unless they have that 'trust' relationship that was mentioned before. and those sound like the time the child is expected in is likely more near to the midnight to 1 p.m. range too. Consider getting to know her friends by offering your home for a movie night with food and then maybe her friends won't give her such grief for you having solid boundaries. If you keep the restraints on until . My daughter says the same things your daughter has said.Her friends also have later curfews but I will stand my ground it's 1 am on weekends and 12 am on school nights.we shouldnt have to lay awake and worry about our kids.She is in colledge and will soon be 19.She doesnt like it but i think she will thank me later. Have a sophomore who loves to go to parties with seniors and wants to stay out just as late? Risks often get worse when teens think they can't call their parents and a situation escalates. When the rule is established, set the consequencelike being grounded from friends for the next two weekends. She is very smart and was raised to understand that hard work is what it takes to be successful.
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